Don't Get Caught Surviving

You know, I could have sworn that I had posted this a couple of weeks ago. Apparently not. Avid readers (reader perhaps - thanks mom) - apologies for the gap. Now, where was I...

The second reason we're doing this has to do with what I want for my sons. I want them to be fearless. And by fearless I don't mean Jackass 12 stupid fearless, I mean not being afraid to make choices that don't necessarily conform to the norm. The TED Talks on education, along with my perspective on a few friend lives, really drove this home for me. 

There is more than one definition of success. There is more than one path to success and to happiness. Somehow though many of us are walking a single path towards a single definition of success and through it happiness. The typical go to school, get good grades, get into a good university, get a good career going, and keep going. That's success. Or at least, that's what many of us, even if we don't believe it, are living in to every day. And our kids are living into it without even knowing they are. This needs to be disrupted. There are so many more options. So so many more. And that's not to say it's not a good path. It's a great one. But walk it knowingly. Walk it because you choose to.

The late Ritchie McMurray, a dear friend and colleague of my father's once said to me: "Don't get caught surviving". It's a good message. It has been one of my mantras since my early twenties, but that said,  I've totally gotten caught; and I don't want my kids to get caught, so they need to be disrupted.

I think though that many of us have a fear-based decision making process. We make choices that aim to keep us comfortable. I know I certainly do. And I do a good job of fooling myself, and I am guessing I am not alone in this. Going back to no versus yes, we come up with reasons why we can't do something and then we leave it at that. "Oh well. Too bad. Great idea, but maybe some other time when X becomes Y." We don't try and flip the switches necessary to doing something from no to yes. And it's more comfortable to lay blame or responsibility on all of those other things and not ourselves. And I am not saying that any no can become a yes. Far from it. Some things are outside of our control. But if we don't try to change something to what we want it to be, then it's us standing in our way, not that thing.

So fearless for me means disrupting this. It means having the comfort and confidence in one's self, to trust your own opinion, and, most importantly, to act. It also calls for at least a smidgen of optimism and belief that ultimately the universe is on your side. I have that belief.

But it also takes seeing that there are other opportunities, other paths. And there are lots of ways that that could be done. This trip is only one way to be disruptive.

In some ways I think I'm being a bit lazy with this whole trip thing. I mean, there are so many things we could be doing here at home that could provide much of the disruption I think I am looking for. Volunteering. Community engagement. More time with friends. Extra-curriculars. More walks. Less Netflix - no matter how cool everything by Joss Whedon is. (I'm not even going to bother linking his name - because if you don't know, you should bloody well make the effort. Go. Google it.)

Now when I've mentioned this to friends (lazy, not Joss) the response is that there is so much more we'll be getting out of this trip that we could not get just staying in Toronto - and I totally agree with that. I'm just saying it kinda feels a bit lazy somehow too. That disruption and transformation are easier away from home. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know and it's not something we can really test. We're going, and that is going to change things. How, I have no idea. But what we do with that change, whatever it might be, will be the more interesting story I think.

Certainly the act of getting ready for this trip is bringing about change in terms of how we evaluate what is important to us, how we connect, what we want to hold on to, and all sorts of stuff, so I guess we're on the right track.

But I will write about all of that another time.

Soon even.