Yes Man

Why are we doing this?

It's a question I've been asked a lot. It's a question I continue to ask myself. It's the number one reason this blog got started months before we're actually leaving. I still don't know if I have a clear answer. It's not one thing. It's not a million little things. It's somewhere in between.

Fact #1: I am a near 43-year-old single father.

Fact #2: I do not have a drivers license.

As I and a few friends have joked, a sports car would do me know good, and I have no hope in hell (nor desire frankly) for dating a significantly younger woman. So with those two traditional avenues for a mid-life crisis not available to me it looks like I've turned to the next best thing. Travel. Giving it all up. Getting away.

Honestly there's likely some uncomfortable truth in there somewhere but I like to think that if it is a mid-life crisis spurring this on then at least my sons are going to benefit from it too. So mid-life crisis turned cool parenting move. Who says there isn't a silver lining?

Psyche aside, a number of things converged over a period of time that resulted in me thinking this was the thing to do. In no particular order they were:

• The pool game with Charles and Morgan that I've already written about, that introduced the possibility to me, and got me jealous about it to the point that I had to do it too.
• Conversations with the same Charles about the education system and some interesting TED Talks, which I also posted previously.
• Yes Man, starring Jim Carrey - I am a sucker for RomComs
• The Secret Life of Walter Mitty - First in theatres and now having the distinction of the first movie I actually bought via Apple TV.

So why are we doing this?

I think the number one reason we're doing this is because we can. When I first thought and talked about it at the pool game I was all no, not possible, can't happen. But then I started thinking. And that's where Jim Carrey comes in. For those who don't know Yes Man, it's the story of a guy who, for typical RomCom reasons, has isolated himself from his friends, has a non-stimulating job, and basically says no to nearly everything. He ends up at a personal empowerment seminar where he makes a covenant to say YES! to everything. The story goes from there. He does it.  He transforms his life. He goes overboard. He learns an important lesson. He gets the girl that he almost lost by going overboard. Happily ever after.

No, I do not think that that's what is going to happen.

When I saw this movie years ago I was struck by the premise of it. The idea of saying "no", and how that closes us to the world and it's opportunities. The thing I've come to believe over the years, partly due to work, and a lot due to parenting, is that saying no is quite often the lazy way out. No is easy. Saying no means you don't have to think about the topic anymore. The subject is closed. Done. Buh bye.

"Yes" on the other hand, or even "maybe" requires effort. Yes means figuring out how, putting your mind to something, potentially sorting through problems. It means investing your time into making something work that may or may not be something you care about all that much. But someone does, so perhaps it's worth the effort. 

A few years ago I started making a concentrated effort, especially with Jake and Noah to say yes, or to at least say maybe, and then to figure it out. Sometimes it still ended in a no, but the no wasn't a knee jerk reaction because I was distracted or tired or something else at the time I was asked. It was a considered no that got the same thought process and commitment a yes requires. I'm finding I like the results a lot. I'm a better listener, I'm a more active parent, and, by saying yes to their and other people requests, I'm opening myself to so many other opportunities and making myself happier along the way. 

So the morning after the pool game I started with a yes, and then tried to tear it down. I came up with all the reasons I could think of that would result in no, and then went about addressing each one. And you know what, not one person or thing that I identified as a possible no actually was a no. Everyone has been supportive. Everyone has said yes.