Or perhaps I just need a shower.
Having got up about 8am and immediately sat down sort out the pictures and write a post about some of our time in Helsingor, which is now posted in case you missed it, I now find that it is 1pm, and while I've heard sounds of life from downstairs I have not actually seen it, but I am getting hungry, possibly a bit smelly, and despite all that I am going to just keep on writing.
On a roll I suppose.
This is Kronborg Castle. Often thought of as Elsinore Castle.
This was home to Danish and Swedish Royalty for hundreds of years. As I mentioned already it controlled the straight between Sweden and Denmark, brining in loads of cash for the reigning monarchs, but most importantly, it's where, according to Shakespeare anyway, Prince Hamlet has the ghost of his father King Hamlet tell him to avenge his death, which sends Hamlet on a killing spree as he waxes poetically about how difficult it is to be him.
Now, if that is not the worst summation of what is arguable Willies best play, and therefore second only to Aspects of Love in the entire lexicon of English theatre (I am so kidding about that), then I don't know what is.
Well, perhaps my Grade 13 essay sucked nearly as much. Nah. It was better.
But I'm not here to retell Hamlet. Or rewrite it for that matter, no matter how much I may want to. I actually already rewrote the good ol' To Be or Not to Be soliloquy as part of a bid presentation awhile ago for work where I addressed the benefits of such technology standards as WSRP in a regional EHR system. We won that one. Alas, I did not perform the work. Still got it though if you're interested James.
If that didn't make sense to many of you, that's okay. It doesn't make much sense to me either, and really isn't worth explaining.
So what am I here to do then. Well, this time I'm going to show you pictures of Kronborg Castle.
Like this lovely one of one of the towers.
Here is a model of the castle that greets you upon entry.
As you may be able to notice it was a fort first, and then a castle. The fort is the star pattern that is quite popular amongst fort builders. Outer moat. Outer wall. Inner moat. Inner wall. And then a pretty little castle in the middle.
Oh, and the cool thing is that these moats still have water. First one for me so far.
That's the bridge across the outer moat to the main entry.
This is the courtyard of the castle.
The castle, as it was originally a fort, consisted of three separate buildings, that basically align with three corners of the current castle. As time went by renovations occurred. You know how renovations go: start with the bathroom, and suddenly it's the kitchen, and then you think the floors should be redone, but if you're doing the floors, then how about taking that wall out and opening up the first floor to get more light in, and oh, damn, the roof, and what did Better Living Magazine say about curb appeal, and, ah crap, the chimney needs something done, so do we fix it, or get rid of it, and how about a fireplace for the basement, and can we get rid of that tree as it's crapping all over the drive and we're still not getting enough light in the front room, and, what about a nursery, do we have the space, perhaps we should rip the new roof off and add another floor. Ah screw it, let's get a new house.
Now imagine that with a castle and loads of money to spend on it. Multiple by a few hundred years of monarchs wanting more, and you end up with three buildings being joined together to form a big letter "u" and then a final multi-storey gallery being built across the remaining open space for the sole purpose of allowing the queen to go from her apartments to either the ballroom or the chapel without having to step outside. Yes, one entire side of this palace is a hallway.
Even with all that building craziness they still decided to point the cannons out over the Sound. Lord knows I might have pointed them the other way around.
These cannons are originals, and are still in use today for ceremonial occasions. Apparently Denmark no longer takes potshots at Sweden. At least, not with cannonballs.
This I believe is Trumpeteer's Tower. Or something like that. This served as the entrance and stairwell up to the ball room. The largest ballroom in northern Europe, where they liked to throw big parties. For three days. And with lots of speeches, which started by having the cannons fired. I'm sure this caught everyone's attention.
Good times.
This is the stairwell inside the tower.
That groove you seen running along the base of the central pillar of the stairwell is essentially a urinal. Yes, it's a long way down when your bladder is full, so instead of drunkenly dealing with all those steps, you could just step out into the stairwell, rest your weary head against the column, and relax. Gravity, some decent stone carving, and piles of hay at the bottom took care of the rest. And no, this does not work for the ladies. Apparently they had holes in their seats with hay piled beneath them.
Isn't history grand.
This is one of the Queen's chambers.
Imagine the angst Hamlet felt in here.
This is one of the many tapestries that Hamlet may have looked behind before blindly killing poor old Polonius.
There are lots of tapestries in Kronborg. I want Miss Keele to keep reading though, so that's the only one for now.
This is the ballroom. The grand one I was mentioning. You know, the one with the tower, and the pee?
Let's pretend it's where everyone dies at the end.
There goes Gerty. No Claudius, you daft bastard, she's drunk poison.
There goes Claudius as Hamlet runs him through, and then forces to drink poison. Bloody well took him long enough to avenge his Dad don't you think.
There goes Laertes. You may have missed the swapping of the poison bathed sword in this abridged version, but trust me it happens, so down he goes.
And finally, there goes Hamlet. The guys got quite the constitution when you think about it. Laertes cuts him a few times with the poisoned blade and yet Hamlet still sees the rest of them to their ends and gets a decent final word in with Horatio.
There, doesn't the floor look more interesting now?
And this is the chapel, where I should likely return to and beg forgiveness for what I've just done to such a great play.
This is one of the better lit areas of the casements, those wonderful hallways and rooms that run under the castle. They are where the soldiers would have been barracked. It's also home to Holger the Dane.
You can go read about him here if you'd like.
Short version is that, in times of need, Holger is supposed to rise up and defend Denmark. Kinda like King Arthur and Britain I suppose. Well, given Denmark's history you really gotta wonder what qualifies as a "time of need".
It's certainly not Noah and Jake boxing.
Nor is it them suffering through their father (that's me) asking to take their picture along side the inner moat.
Oh, I know, maybe it's a myth.
So ya, that was some of our time at Kronborg on Monday.
The rest is silence.
For today anyway.
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